Monday, April 13, 2009

10 Ways to STOP Somali Pirates

Burning Man
Art - Stage a Burning Man Project in the Horn of Africa. Afterwards they will be making love, not war.

Capitalism - Create a mercenary marketplace by offering a ransom for each pirate ship captured. Setting a minimum size limit will ensure that only motherships are taken, which will leave the smaller vessels for target practice.

Deceit - Convert several large old cargo ships into heavily armed Trojan Horses and run them up and down the Somali coastline. Leave no survivors so that the secret does not get out.

No-Shipping Zone
Demilitarization - Declare a no-shipping zone between 3 and 100 miles off the Somalian coast. Obliterate anything found inside the zone without explicit permission.

Export - Parachute captured pirates into North Korea. Kim Ill Jong does not have the money to send them back, or feed them.

Foreign Aid
Foreign Aid - Donate the Peanut Corporation of America to Somalia. The problem will disappear by itself

Money - Pay the ransom in Somali Shillings or Zimbabwean Dollars only. It should cost no more than the ink and paper.

Negotiation - Give the pirates 5 days to leave the country willingly. Then sink everything bigger than a canoe.

Religion - Ask Benny Hinn to hold a few Miracle Crusades over there. That will solve both problems.

Sport - Send Dick Cheney on a hunting trip to Africa. The pirates will leave voluntarily.

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