Bushman Bible

Now children, the Good Book, I know him like the Bible.

Long ago there were two people. They lived on a farm and could eat all the prickly pears, but they could not eat the sweet ones. But the tree snake said to Eef - him with the big fat buns, "Don’t talk nonsense, they look so good because they taste so good." So they stole some.

Then Ad'm saw his pants were gone, and Eef was looking for his bloomer. Auk! Now they had to make clothes from an aloe plant, and because the Farmer was mad they had to skedaddle from the farm. By the gate was a big Herero with a sharp spear.

As they left Eef looked over his shoulder a bit, and right there he turned into salt. By the next day the cattle had eaten him. Now the poor Ad'm was without a woman.

While he was walking he saw X!ain and asked him: “What are you doing?” But X!ain hit him with a stick and threw stones at him. Fortunately a good Somaritan was passing on a zebra and helped him beat up X!ain.

Later his hair got stuck in a thorn bush and there he had to wait until D'lilah found him and gave him a haircut. When his hair came loose he fell into a lion’s den, but his stomach was so upset that the lion he did not want to eat him.

There the Jewelers found him and tried to sell him to the Parasites but he ran away until he got to the big water. He hit the water with his stick to feel how deep it was, and it dried up like the Namib. Now there was a long road running to the other side.

As he walked down this road it rained for 40 days and 40 nights. When he was halfway the water came back and wanted to swallow him. Just before he died a big fish tasted him, but the fish did not like his smell and spit him out in the land of sour milk and porridge.

There he took two wives and had more children than all the sand in the Kalahari. Some had more food and water than the others - that is why they are fighting until today.

See, I know him the Bible.

Loosely based upon the tale as told by Jonas